During my teens and early twenties I devoured Jilly Cooper books. Riders, Rivals, Polo, The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous, and then the "name" books, which included Emily, Imogen, Prudence and Octavia. In fact, I included the "name" books in a list of chick lit precursors.
I hadn't read any of Cooper's books for years, but when I heard that Octavia was being made into a TV series, I thought I'd give it a re-read. And am I ever sorry I did. We don't usually do spoilers on Trashionista, but I can't fully explain my feelings about this book without talking about the ending, so if you don't want to know how it turns out, don't click over the cut!
Octavia Brennan is a fairly typical Jilly Cooper heroine. A glamorous, beautiful, spoiled, bitch, who can basically have any man she wants and isn't afraid to take them away from other women. When Octavia bumps into a former schoolfriend, Gussie Forbes, she can't believe that Gussie who, according to Octavia, is boring and fat, has managed to get herself engaged to the beautiful Jeremy. So, inevitably, Octavia decides to seduce him.
She's given the perfect opportunity when Gussie invites Octavia to join the happy couple on a canal barge for the weekend. But Gussie has also invited wealthy businessman Gareth Llewellyn (in case the name didn't give it away, he's Welsh). Gussie hopes that Octavia and Gareth might hit it off, but Octavia takes an instant dislike to Gareth, mainly because he doesn't seem interested in her, but also because he knows she's after Jeremy and plans to prevent them getting together.
By about halfway, I was getting a bit bored. While there was entertainment to be had from the supposedly sexy hero coming out with a line like "I know, I know. Christ I'm in such a muddle", the characters are all fairly cliched, Octavia is so unpleasant that I didn't care what happened to her and I knew that she was inevitably going to end up with Gareth anyway so I didn't even need to bother finishing. But then...
Gareth decides that Octavia's behavior has become so bad that someone has to teach her a lesson. And do you know? It's going to be him:
Before I realized it, Gareth had me across his knee. I've never known what the living daylights were before, but he was certainly beating them out of me now. I started to scream and kick.
So, for me, that was the end of Gareth as a romantic hero. I had no love for Octavia, but a man who beats a woman? There's no coming back from that.
But what was even worse that it transformed Octavia's opinion of him. Realising that a beating was just what she needed, she finds she wants to feel Gareth's arms around her, his hands "soothing me and petting me as though I were a child again". Within a couple of pages, she realises she's in love with him.
I was utterly outraged. I understand that this book was written in 1977 and things were different then. I find it hard to believe that things were *so* different that a woman (a woman!) could write such offensive drivel and it was supposed to be romantic and sexy, but what amazes me the most is that it's being turned into a TV series now, in 2008. I obviously can't comment on the series since I don't know what changes they've made, but they'd better have made some drastic ones!
Anyway, things go badly for Octavia. She loses her flat and allowance and has to, finally, work for a living. I'd like to say she learns from it and becomes a better person, but she doesn't. And then Gareth comes back to save her. He's realised he's in love with her too. No, really, he is. Listen:
"I'm going to put my mark on you, so no one else can get near you," he went on, his eyes suddenly serious. "But I warn you, baby, even if we have to fight like cats, I'm going to wear the trousers. You're going to do what I tell you, and if you start upstaging me, I'll put you down. The boys in the Valley are like that. We keep our women in the background and we beat them if they give us any trouble, but we know how to love them."
So that's all right then. And does Octavia say, "Sod off, you pompous misogynist"? No. She says, her knees giving way with lust: "Could we possibly do it again just very quickly before breakfast?"
I actually laughed as I typed that because it is so utterly and totally ridiculous. But it's not funny. It's incredibly offensive and, I believe, dangerous. I wish I could go back in time, knock Octavia out of my teenage self's hands and give her something better to read.
Rating: 1/5
Like this? Read The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer. Soon.
