WRITING TIPS: Talli Roland's five fab exercises for writers
As a full-time writer, I'm lucky that I don't need to go out to work - or brush my hair, get dressed, and endure getting up close and personal with someone's armpit on the Tube. No, I can roll right out of bed, throw on my fluffy slippers and robe, and head straight to my desk for another day within the heady proximity of the fridge. The only downside to this Nirvana? The threat of an ever-expanding butt. This possibility grows even greater in November, when NaNoWriMo glues writers to their chairs.
To combat this, I've developed a handy set of exercises for writers. No need to embrace the great outdoors - or even get off your chair! Now, you too can have the svelte frame of a commuter, without the commute! Are you ready? Here we go!
1. The five-fingered salute. Every so often, lift your fingers from the keyboard and make a fist. Open and close your digits several times in quick succession. This is even better when performed near a window in proximity of passers-by to encourage social interaction.
2. March like you mean it. The ideal exercise to release any frustration when your characters just don't behave. Sitting on a chair, lift one knee in the air and bring your foot down firmly on the ground, then do the same with your other knee. Repeat for five minutes - or as long as your downstairs neighbours will allow. When you're finished, you won't care anymore about your characters' misdemeanors. You'll only care about impending repairs needed to the floorboards.
3. The burning butt-clench. Designed to encourage circulation after long periods of sitting, this exercise has the added benefit of making anyone around you question your need for the loo. Sitting comfortably, lift one buttock off the chair, and clench the cheek that's touching the surface. Hold for twenty seconds, then repeat with the other butt cheek. You should feel a burning desire never to do this exercise again.
4. The navel gaze. Tilt your head slowly downwards until your chin touches your chest. Hold for thirty minutes - or until you drift off. This position allows observers to believe you're engaged in deep thought, while elongating your neck muscles. Repeat until observers get bored and depart.
5. Sexy scissor-legs. Forget the tatty jogging bottoms, now you can practice your moves and keep fit, too. Swing your chair away from the desk, and scissor your legs back and forth in quick succession. Be careful not to be too enthusiastic, or your inner thighs will not be impressed.
So there you have it! My tried and true methods to maintaining your shape while keeping your manuscript moving ahead!
Talli Roland has three loves in her life: chick lit, coffee and cupcakes. Born and raised in Canada, Talli now lives in London, where she savours the great cultural life (coffee and cupcakes). Despite training as a journalist, Talli soon found she preferred making up her own stories - complete with happy endings. Her debut novel, The Hating Game, was an Amazon UK best-seller, remaining in the top 100 for over two months. Her latest novel, Build A Man, is out now. Talli blogs here and can be found on Twitter here.