January 30, 2009 1:03 PM
BOOK REVIEW: Coming Up Next by Penny Smith
Okay, first off I'd like to say that it's rare for me to give up on a book. Even if I'm finding it hard; even if the book really isn't getting me hooked, I try to at least finish it in the hope that it could lead to a pleasant surprise. Posted by Elle Symonds on January 30, 2009 in Debut Novels, Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (8)
March 5, 2008 11:42 AM
BOOK REVIEW: Octavia by Jilly Cooper
During my teens and early twenties I devoured Jilly Cooper books. Riders, Rivals, Polo, The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous, and then the "name" books, which included Emily, Imogen, Prudence and Octavia. In fact, I included the "name" books in a list of chick lit precursors.
I hadn't read any of Cooper's books for years, but when I heard that Octavia was being made into a TV series, I thought I'd give it a re-read. And am I ever sorry I did. We don't usually do spoilers on Trashionista, but I can't fully explain my feelings about this book without talking about the ending, so if you don't want to know how it turns out, don't click over the cut!
Octavia Brennan is a fairly typical Jilly Cooper heroine. A glamorous, beautiful, spoiled, bitch, who can basically have any man she wants and isn't afraid to take them away from other women. When Octavia bumps into a former schoolfriend, Gussie Forbes, she can't believe that Gussie who, according to Octavia, is boring and fat, has managed to get herself engaged to the beautiful Jeremy. So, inevitably, Octavia decides to seduce him.
She's given the perfect opportunity when Gussie invites Octavia to join the happy couple on a canal barge for the weekend. But Gussie has also invited wealthy businessman Gareth Llewellyn (in case the name didn't give it away, he's Welsh). Gussie hopes that Octavia and Gareth might hit it off, but Octavia takes an instant dislike to Gareth, mainly because he doesn't seem interested in her, but also because he knows she's after Jeremy and plans to prevent them getting together.
By about halfway, I was getting a bit bored. While there was entertainment to be had from the supposedly sexy hero coming out with a line like "I know, I know. Christ I'm in such a muddle", the characters are all fairly cliched, Octavia is so unpleasant that I didn't care what happened to her and I knew that she was inevitably going to end up with Gareth anyway so I didn't even need to bother finishing. But then...
Gareth decides that Octavia's behavior has become so bad that someone has to teach her a lesson. And do you know? It's going to be him:
Before I realized it, Gareth had me across his knee. I've never known what the living daylights were before, but he was certainly beating them out of me now. I started to scream and kick.
So, for me, that was the end of Gareth as a romantic hero. I had no love for Octavia, but a man who beats a woman? There's no coming back from that.
But what was even worse that it transformed Octavia's opinion of him. Realising that a beating was just what she needed, she finds she wants to feel Gareth's arms around her, his hands "soothing me and petting me as though I were a child again". Within a couple of pages, she realises she's in love with him.
I was utterly outraged. I understand that this book was written in 1977 and things were different then. I find it hard to believe that things were *so* different that a woman (a woman!) could write such offensive drivel and it was supposed to be romantic and sexy, but what amazes me the most is that it's being turned into a TV series now, in 2008. I obviously can't comment on the series since I don't know what changes they've made, but they'd better have made some drastic ones!
Anyway, things go badly for Octavia. She loses her flat and allowance and has to, finally, work for a living. I'd like to say she learns from it and becomes a better person, but she doesn't. And then Gareth comes back to save her. He's realised he's in love with her too. No, really, he is. Listen:
"I'm going to put my mark on you, so no one else can get near you," he went on, his eyes suddenly serious. "But I warn you, baby, even if we have to fight like cats, I'm going to wear the trousers. You're going to do what I tell you, and if you start upstaging me, I'll put you down. The boys in the Valley are like that. We keep our women in the background and we beat them if they give us any trouble, but we know how to love them."
So that's all right then. And does Octavia say, "Sod off, you pompous misogynist"? No. She says, her knees giving way with lust: "Could we possibly do it again just very quickly before breakfast?"
I actually laughed as I typed that because it is so utterly and totally ridiculous. But it's not funny. It's incredibly offensive and, I believe, dangerous. I wish I could go back in time, knock Octavia out of my teenage self's hands and give her something better to read.
Rating: 1/5
Like this? Read The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer. Soon.
Posted by Keris on March 5, 2008 in British Authors, Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (2)
November 19, 2007 4:28 PM
Book Review: Me and Mr Darcy by Alexandra Potter
Oh dear. I don't relish the task ahead of me. Frankly, looking at somebody's creative effort and saying; 'I can see what you've tried to do here, but you've failed' feels desperately distasteful. But, dear reader, I cannot lie to you, and that's exactly what I have to say.
Actually, to save us both the unpleasantness of a book-assassination, feel free to stop reading this review now. Just don't, whatever you do, go and read Me and Mr Darcy.
Emily Albright has given up on modern men. Instead of going man-hunting in Mexico with her best friend, she books a guided tour of Jane Austen country, determined to immerse herself in the world of her favourite novelist.
Fine. While there, she meets - and starts to date - Mr Darcy. Yep. The Mr Darcy.
Okay, I'll admit, I wasn't in love with this concept to begin with, but I could see that it had potential.
It is, however, the kind of idea that needs to be handled with originality and grace, not flimsy characters and painful over-writing. Every nuance, emotion, and thought is spelled-out in great detail, the effect of which is like being mugged - very slowly - by an elf wielding a dictionary filled with adverbs.
The passages from Pride and Prejudice were shoe-horned into the narrative with all the subtlety of an ice-cold speculum, despite which, the heroine remained blissfully unaware of the parallels between events in her life and the book she supposedly adores. The only possible conclusion being that she is an imbecile.
In fact, the heroine's 'voice' made me want to scratch my own eyes out, which is particularly tiresome in a first-person narrative. Emily Albright is supposed to be American. However, despite continually making reference to this fact, she uses so many British words and phrases, that it was impossible to believe that she had spent more than a handful of nights in the US.
And, while we are on the subject of disbelief, a book billed as a 'feel-good fairy tale' is unlikely to be chock-a-block with gritty realism, but I do expect it to be believable within the confines of the story.
Unfortunately, I didn't believe in Potter's version of Mr Darcy (who sounded nothing like Austen's creation), I didn't believe in the painfully-pedestrian sub-plots, and I didn't believe in the heroine.
Rating: 1/5
Like this only non-fiction and non-rubbish? Try: Flirting with Pride and Prejudice
Posted by Sarah Painter on November 19, 2007 in Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (12)
September 12, 2007 3:45 PM
BOOK REVIEW: This Little Piggy Went to Prada by Amy Allen
This Little Piggy Went to Prada is a collection of traditional nursery rewritten for "the Blahnik Brigade". And if you find the idea irritating, wait until you hear what's inside.
This little piggy went to Prada
This little piggy went to Cannes
This little piggy went to Nobu
And this little piggy, Hakkasan
And this little piggy went "Wee wee wee wee!"
All the way home because she had a fat bottom!
No, I'm not joking, that's really one of the rhymes featured in this book. I found this book incredibly annoying. I know it's meant to be tongue in cheek and, yes, 10% of the profit from each copy sold is going to Save the Children, but still it's one of the most irritating books I've ever read.
It does have one saving grace and that's the illustrations - by Eunkyung Kung - which are stunningly beautiful.
Patronising, obnoxious and mildly offensive. Please avoid.
Rating: 2/5 (for the illustrations)
Like this? Try Shopaholic & Baby by Sophie Kinsella
Posted by Keris on September 12, 2007 in British Authors, Non Fiction, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 14, 2007 5:33 PM
(Reluctant) BOOK NEWS: That Bitch
I wasn't sure whether to write about this or not, but I know you're a sensible enough bunch to handle the bile this book spits out without letting it get to you. So I'll just advise you to be on your guard around British bookshops from September 27, when a book called That Bitch attempts to redress the balance against all those (zillions!) of women out to trap, manipulate and mistreat men. (Hmm. Let's have a closer look at domestic violence statistics, shall we?)
The blurb for this book claims: This new book tells you how to protect yourself against nasty women by understanding: why she picked on YOU, how she weaves her web of deceit, how she uses covert attacks and other tactics to beat her unsuspecting prey. Discover what makes her different from normal women who are looking for partners not victims, and how to identify her. Because she only cares about herself. She has no conscience and is capable of ruthless retribution, even though no one has actually wronged her.
Er... bitter, much?
I'm off to wash my brain out now...
Related posts: Chore Whore | Should the word 'bitch' be banned?
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on August 14, 2007 in Book News, Book related, British Authors, New Releases, Non Fiction, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 11, 2007 2:00 PM
'Blah' books - let's name and shame!
A friend of mine recently read Robyn Hardyn's Journal of Mortifying Moments.
"It's okay," she said. "Very predictable and not what I was expecting."
I said the exact same thing last year, when I bought the book in the hope that it'd deliver the gossip-fest that the cute, pink and downright appealing cover promised. Did it? No. But that's not to say that it's a BAD book - just... well... not as good as it looks.
I figure 'blah' is the ultimate word to describe books like these. Take another potential scandal-fest - Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl. Judging by the blurb, this title was full of wit - yet in reality, it was completely void of laughs. And, seemingly, an ending. Pity really, as the book had SO much potential to be a laugh-a-minute read.
It was one of those dreary chick-lit efforts which make you want to jump up, grab the nearest Bic, and proclaim that your newest life goal is to write a girly masterpiece ten times better than the yawn-inducing disappointment you just read.
So what becomes of the 'blah' books? The books that have so much potential, but just don't live up to their expectations?
Do you throw it out the window? Use it as a doorstop?
Or are you like me? - I sigh heartily, put it back on the shelf and use it as an example of what NOT do to when I'm writing my own stuff. (And bitch about it on Trashionista. Like, duh.) There are some titles as to which readers have questioned publishers' sanity - Citizen Girl, anyone? - and it drives me round the bend at times to see a really good set-up wasted.
Granted, some authors have it. Some can take a small everyday situation and make it hilarious. Others? Well, we can't all be blessed with the gift of humour.But what about you?
Which books do YOU think you could have written better?
Posted by Danielle Symonds-Yemm on July 11, 2007 in Book related, Girly Stuff, Opinion, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (9)
July 10, 2007 12:03 PM
BOOK REVIEW: Home to Big Stone Gap by Adriana Trigiani
We've reviewed two Adriana Trigiani books at Trashionista. Lucia, Lucia, I absolutely loved. Queen of the Big Time, Diane didn't enjoy at all. I adored Trigiani's Big Stone Gap trilogy so could hardly wait to read Home to Big Stone Gap, but, sadly, I was terribly disappointed.
Ave Maria and Jack's daughter Etta has married young and settled in Italy. Jack's health is poor and Ave Maria thinks she's seen their son, who died aged 4, walking in the woods behind their house. Plus Ave Maria learns a secret about her best friend Iva Lou that causes a rift between them.
As I started reading Home to Big Stone Gap, I found it quite comforting to return to these much-loved characters, but as I read on... well, I was bored. I recently read and loved Michael Tolliver Lives - a sort of continuation of Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City series after a break of 20 years - so why didn't I enjoy Home to Big Stone Gap? Perhaps there hasn't been enough of a gap (ha!) since the end of the trilogy for me to be happy just to spend time with the characters. I wanted a story and I didn't really get one.
There were a number of plot lines, but none of them were fleshed out (and they were slight to begin with). We don't really get to the bottom of Ave Maria's disapproval of Etta's marriage. When Ave Maria thinks Jack is dying she finds a list he's written of things he still has to deal with - there is what appears to be a bombshell on this list and obviously I can't say what it is without spoiling things, but I found it a total cop-out. And manipulative, to boot.
The thing that really surprised me was the bad writing. Not all the way through, but there were a few sentences that involved one of my writing pet hates: exposition as dialogue:
"He wasn't four years old, like when he died, but older. Like twenty." I'd assume Ave's husband knows how old their son was when he died.
"... I'm named for my grandmother, who was a seamstress - and Grandma Mac was also a good one ..." says Etta to her mother, who, I'd guess, already knows who she was named for!
"... I was trained by the master. Shorty Johnson spent the better part of her life in the kitchen. What with her sons, Roy and Shep, hungry around the clock, she mastered the great Southern dishes, that's for sure." Who talks like that?!
But that's not all. The last few chapters are deathly dull and riddled with factual errors (I could go into more detail, but, again, I don't want to give anything away - although, if you're desperate to know, one of the reviews on Amazon'll help). And there's another massive error in the middle of the book that I can't believe got past the amount of people who've read this book before it got to print!
Honestly, I can't tell you how disappointed I was with this book. When Diane gave Queen of the Big Time 1/5 I was shocked. Diane said, "I think the reason I felt so strongly is I know she can do so much better...I flirted with a 2, but she made me mad!" Home to Big Stone Gap made me mad too. Since I couldn't even finish another of Trigiani's books, Rococo, I'm wondering if she no longer cares enough to do better.
Rating: 1/5
Like this? Well if you like this, you might like Queen of the Big Time! But read Lucia, Lucia, it's so much better.
Posted by Keris on July 10, 2007 in American Authors, Rating: 1/5, Recent Release, Rubbish Books, Series | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 12, 2007 12:49 PM
Books the British public just couldn't finish!
Normally at Trashionista we concern ourselves with those books you just can't put down, but today we're talking about books you struggle to pick up again after reading a few pages/chapters...
The book world is all a-flutter today about a new survey which shows the most frequently abandoned reads: top of the list is 'challenging' Booker Prize winner Vernon God Little by WBC Pierre, which 35% of 4000 surveyed readers apparently gave up on. It was joined by Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses and classic of the impenetrables: Ulysses by James Joyce. The only female author at the top, and the biggest surprise, is that 32% of adult readers couldn't make it through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (although, actually, you can add me to that list - Quidditch World Cup? Snoozeathon! Pick up the pace, JK...)
If any of those books are on your personal unfinished list, The Times helpfully tells you how they end, and The Guardian digests them for you.
So... what's the book you just couldn't finish? Find out mine over the cut!
For me it's William Faulkner's famously difficult The Sound and the Fury. (With no differentiation in tenses and no idea which character is talking, it's a 'puzzler', to say the least). On the other hand, I managed to get to the end of the execrable Citizen Girl - but wished I hadn't bothered!
How about you?
Related post: Lovely Bones and Jane Austen on publishing insider's list of books NOT to read
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on March 12, 2007 in Book News, Book Websites, Book related, British Authors, Debut Novels, Modern Fiction, Prize Winners, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (11)
January 29, 2007 1:54 PM
BOOK REVIEW: Bitch Lit edited by Maya Chowdhry & Mary Sharratt
Maya Chowdhry and Mary Sharratt have edited this collection of short stories all having the general theme of women anti-heroes. Bitch Lit is apparently an antidote for all the Dick Lit we’ve had to endure in the past.
The blurb claims that all these stories are tales of women and power, the opposite of cautionary tales. Bitch Lit is a celebration of women who take the law into their own hands, who defy society’s expectations, put their own needs first and don’t feel guilty.
Unfortunately when they say ‘take the law into their own hands’ what they actually mean is break it. The characters in these stories serially murder, steal, commit adultery and fraud or, if you’re lucky, are just extremely selfish or mean spirited. They’ve attempted to describe this book as feminist, but that’s like saying Hitler was male so if the world was a fair and righteous place we should have a female dictator who commits genocide and tries to take over the world. It’s just wrong!
As with any book of short stories there will be a mixed bunch. Some are better than others, but all of these left a sour taste in my mouth and stole some of the faith I had that human nature was basically good and kind. Ironically the authors who wrote the shortest stories were the most successful in fitting in a complete tale. Some of the longest ended leaving me confused and wondering what happened. It seemed they’d reached their maximum word count and just stopped. They might as well have stopped mid sentence for all the sense some of the endings made.
One thing this book does achieve is in provoking a reaction. I can imagine people who enjoy looking at a rubbish bag or an unmade bed as a new form of modern art would find this book extremely interesting.
If you’re like me and prefer to recycle your rubbish, do yourself a favour don’t buy this book and save a tree. [Angela Richardson]
Rating: 1 out of 5
Like this? Try This Is Chick Lit edited by Lauren Baratz-Logsted
Posted by Keris on January 29, 2007 in American Authors, British Authors, Modern Fiction, Rating: 1/5, Recent Release, Rubbish Books, Short Story Collections | Permalink | Comments (0)
January 15, 2007 11:03 AM
Lovely Bones and Jane Austen on publishing insider's list of books NOT to read
Okay, I can understand that some people didn't love The Lovely Bones, it certainly has its flaws... But topping a list of Books you shouldn't bother to read? No. No no noooooooo. And Austen too?!
Although I do agree about Brick Lane, as I got bored half-way through and took it back to the library - life's too short.
What's on your "don't bother" list?
[Via Galleycat].
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on January 15, 2007 in American Authors, Book related, British Authors, Classic Novels, Modern Fiction, Recent Release, Romance, Rubbish Books, Supernatural | Permalink | Comments (12)
December 21, 2006 11:28 AM
BOOK REVIEW: A Place Called Here by Cecelia Ahern
To some, Cecelia Ahern is a modern weaver of fairytales and her fourth book A Place Called Here certainly has a touch of magic about it.
It tells the tale of Sandy Shortt, a private detective in charge of a missing persons' bureau, who is obsessed with searching for people and possessions which have mysteriously disappeared. While investigating the disappearance of Donal Ruttle she finds herself in a place called 'Here', which just so happens to be the very place lost things go - be it the odd sock from the washing machine, your much needed passport, or any one of the hundreds of people who just vanish each year.
'Here' is where the reader really has to wilfully suspend their disbelief. To be honest, the concept that everyone and everything that has ever gone missing just happens to exist in a parallel village just didn't quite work for me. But, in the spirit of giving Ms. Ahern the benefit of the doubt, I ploughed on.
While 'Here' Sandy meets up with many of the people she has spent the last 24 years searching for and in turn sets about seeing if she can find herself. While all this is happening Donal's brother Jack is searching for Sandy in the real world and finding out all about her sometimes troubled past.
With this book you keep waiting for it to get great. The potential is there, but it never quite kicks off. Imagine if the Wizard of Oz ended with Dorothy's house landing on the wicked witch and you get an idea of how frustrating this story is.
From a writing point of view, it sometimes smacks of 'trying too hard'. There are moments of wonderfully beautiful prose, but other sections are clumsy and disjointed.
Nonetheless it is unoffensive and if you really can make belief in an alternative universe (or village) then A Place Called Here could be for you.
Rating: 2 out of 5
Like this? Try After You'd Gone by Maggie O'Farrell
Posted by Keris on December 21, 2006 in Cecelia Ahern, Irish Authors, Modern Fiction, New Releases, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (7)
December 13, 2006 2:34 PM
The most overrated books of the year?
Current affairs magazine, Prospect, asked contributors to nominate their most overrated books of 2006. [via Book 2 Book]
The top three were:
1 The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
2 The Blunkett Tapes by David Blunkett
3 Everyman by Philip Roth
But it was broadcaster David Cox's response which made me laugh (don't sit on the fence, David, say what you mean!):
"The Night Watch, Sarah Waters. An imitation Catherine Cookson for dim but pretentious lesbians. The Inheritance of Loss, Kiran Desai. A typically box-ticking, offence-avoiding Booker winner whose supposedly innovative structure is more sensibly viewed as narrative incompetence ..."
So what are your most overrated books of 2006? And, for the sake of positivity, your favourites?
Posted by Aigua Media on December 13, 2006 in Book related, British Authors, Modern Fiction, Opinion, Prize Winners, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (7)
October 27, 2006 5:43 PM
BOOK REVIEW: Queen of the Big Time by Adriana Trigiani
I first discovered Adriana Trigiani when Richard and Judy chose Lucia, Lucia as one of their first book club choices. After loving that book, I went on to devour her Big Stone Gap series. So I was excited when Queen of the Big Time was released last year. The story of Nella Castelluca and her hard-working farm family, the novel covers several decades of Nella's life. Trigiani weaves together a story of love, loss, heartbreak, disappointment and hope.
And yet she doesn't do it very well.
I want to state up front that this is no criticism of her writing talent- Adriana Trigiani can create an evocative atmosphere like no-one on earth, especially in her mouth-watering descriptions of food! But this is a book that covers a long time period, and where a lot happens- and yet there's absolutely no plot so I felt very unsatisfied and disappointed after reading it. For a novel like this to work, I think it's better to centre it around one particular aspect or time of a person's life. You can't just describe the ups and downs of a person's life and call it a story. Clearly Trigiani worked hard at creating an interesting cast of characters, but then she didn't do anything with them. And her research is woeful- she has characters whose ancestry is Welsh, whom she refers to as English. (Let's just look at that map of the British Isles again, shall we? Write out 100 times, "England and Britain are not the same thing"...)
I'm also getting more than a little fed up with the Trigiani formula: young woman has to make sacrifices for her family; big family trip to Italy; lost love turns up and woman is/isn't reunited... come on, isn't it time for a change? When it works well, it doesn't matter so much that it's a formula, but when it doesn't, as in this book, it's an added irritation. I'll still give Adriana Trigiani's work a try in future, but maybe I'll wait until she's deviated from this well-worn and disappointing subject matter.
You can read an extract here (Amazon readers don't seem to agree with my assessment!)
Rating: 1 out of 5
Like this? Try The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd (it's heaps better!)
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on October 27, 2006 in American Authors, Book related, Girly Stuff, Modern Fiction, Rating: 1/5, Recent Release, Richard and Judy, Romance, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (2)
October 4, 2006 9:55 AM
BOOK REVIEW: Journey Out Of Darkness by Jean Darby
Jean Darby is a retired teacher and has based this book on her own experience of fostering a young girl who was raised by a satanic witch.
Journey Out of Darkness traces a girl’s struggle to overcome her abusive past. Rita is one of twins. She clings to her sister Maureen throughout her childhood until their lives take different paths. The mother, who calls herself Cassandra communes with demons, making them do her evil bidding in return for her faithful worship.
Jean Darby has written a large number of children’s books and unfortunately it shows. This book seems to be written in a style aimed for a lot younger reader, with the exception of the rather grim sex scenes. Obviously Darby has had experience of this situation herself, as the book comes across as very believable.
Journey Out of Darkness reminds me of afternoons watching Channel 5 movies - the ones labelled ‘American family drama’. The plot, script and acting are all a bit dodgy, but you feel compelled to keep watching. The situation is so terrible and depressing you just have to find out what happens in the end.
I felt this book said a lot more about Darby’s opinions and prejudices than the topic of child abuse. She is so obsessed with preaching ‘God good/Satan bad’ that she avoids the real issues. She fails to tackle the complete failure of the government systems to deal with abuse. She is so busy with the fact that the mother is evil due to the fact that she worships Satan, that she fails to notice that the character she’s created is obviously clinically insane. This seems to be yet another failure of their systems that she has remained undiagnosed.
Considering the subject matter this book was never going to be an easy read. However, I found it very frustrating that no one questioned the way their schools, social services and medical systems worked. If you want an exciting read that’s full of demons and the occult, give this one a miss.
Rating: 1 out of 5
[Angela Richardson]
Like this? Try A Child Called “It”: One Child’s Courage to Survive by Dave Pelzer.
Posted by Keris on October 4, 2006 in American Authors, Memoirs, Non Fiction, Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books, Supernatural | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 8, 2006 11:33 AM
BOOK REVIEW: The Great Indoors by Sabine Durrant
I agreed with Danielle that Having it and Eating It, Sabine Durrant's first novel, was a great page-turner, witty, fun and with something to say. The Great Indoors, however, is a little different... It's story of Martha Bone, a lonely, perfectionist antiques store owner, and her two sisters who are all reunited after the death of their step-father. Secrets and people from the past start to turn up again and Martha's past comes back to haunt her- and makes her realise she wants more from life than her sheltered existence.
I know that sounds like a great platform for some interesting fiction, but the truth is- it isn't.
I was very disappointed with this book. Yeah, it's got a kitschily-cool Cath Kidston cover (and you know how important covers are to Trashionista!) but focusing on a staid and socially inept main character- and worse, telling her story in the third person so we relate to her even less- just doesn't work. Martha seemed like an extreme and rather unkind caricature, and I wasn't sure what the author was trying to say about her: that antiques store owners are all fuddy duddies? That women who don't want children are sad and lonely?
There are flashes of the fun and humour we saw in Durrant's first book -I liked the way the chapters were organised into rooms, which added to the story- but a lot of sadness and sentimentality, too. She's still a witty and talented writer, but this book left me hugely unsatisfied and feeling rather depressed. Keris wrote about the "sophomore slump" (bad second book syndrome) and this is unfortunately a prime example. I see Durrant's third book, a teen chick lit title, is getting much better reviews on Amazon than this one did, so hopefully she shook off the slump and moved on to better things! I won't give up on the author, but I'd be happy never to see this book again...
Rating: 2 out of 5
Like this? You'll like Having it and Eating It by Sabine Durrant a lot more! And for an author who can write unsympathetic characters wonderfully, try The Pursuit of Alice Thrift by Elinor Lipman.
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on September 8, 2006 in British Authors, Modern Fiction, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 29, 2006 11:01 AM
BOOK REVIEW: Girl with a One Track Mind by Abby Lee
What kind of girl keeps a sachet of lubricant in her handbag in case she needs to give a hand job? A girl with a one track mind.
Abby Lee is the no longer anonymous (she was recently unmasked as London-based Zoe Margolis) author of the award winning blog Girl with a One Track Mind which records her search for satisfying, adventurous sex. The book charts one year in her life in which she tries everything from one night stands to swingers evenings via domination and lesbian encounters...
Abby Lee is a woman of contradictions. She wants a loving relationship but picks up men in bars and on the internet and then seems surprised when all they want is a one night stand. She thinks her ex-boyfriend is emotionally immature because he’s found a woman he wants to spend time with and be faithful to, rather than taking Abby to a swingers evening.
Despite thinking of herself as adventurous Abby Lee has a very blinkered view of sex. She describes sex as being either vanilla (plain) or BDSM (bondage domination sado-masochism) and can’t see anything in between. She thinks her friends are stuck in sexually boring monogamous relationships yet as her sexual searching doesn’t even produce sex once a month at times, I’d guess that her friends are having far more sex than she is!
Unfortunately this book doesn’t work as a story or a memoir. The main character is not likeable enough and the supporting cast are easily forgotten as most only appear for one night. The details of her sexual encounters are wholly un-erotic. We are given cold hard facts - what she did, who she did it with and how many times she orgasmed - but there is no passion behind her words, no real enjoyment. And I was glad when she finally had sex for the first time that year as I was very bored reading about her tedious masturbation sessions.
I can see why this works as a blog (let’s face it most things are better than working and that’s when people would read it, as a work substitute) but it just doesn’t cut it as a sexual memoir. If you want erotic memoirs go for Anais Nin. If you want deeply disturbing then read The Story of O. If you want annoying and dull then read this. [Nicola Pedley]
Rating: 2 out of 5
Like this? Try Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl by Tracy Quan.
Posted by DIANE SHIPLEY on August 29, 2006 in Bonkbusters, Book Websites, British Authors, Memoirs, New Releases, Non Fiction, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (14)
July 17, 2006 8:23 PM
BOOK REVIEW : Just A Little Disco On An Open-Top Bus by Candy Guard
I have to admit I was drawn to this book by the pants on the cover. No... literally. The cover shows lots of cartoon underwear in a way that made me think about Louise Rennison
'Just A Little...' tells the story of Edie Dudman. Edie is completely and utterly stuck in a rut. She keeps making plans for the life she wants, but getting around to implementing them is an entirely different thing. She dreams of getting a career, but first she needs to get some qualifications behind her. That means going to college, which means registering and actually getting a prospectus or two to find the right course. Her mom and her next door neighbour just don't seem to understand how busy she is - they must spend half their lives thinking up new errands for her to run. She's got far more important things on her mind, like wondering just what she can do to get her waster boyfriend to commit.
Imagine Edie's shock when she manages to get herself a job without even trying. Soon she is the new part time sales assistant at Crusties bakers but she's not even sure how it all happened. As her days begin to hold more of a routine Edie wonders if her life is on the up... but of course fate must throw in a few more twists and turns.
This is not a good book. I found it very difficult to keep going with it, and by the end realised that there was no saving grace to be found. The plot is weak, little happens and the few events that do occur are not exciting enough to keep the attention. The characters are poorly written in general - Steve, Edie's boyfriend was particularly stereotypical as a no good waster. The only character I really enjoyed was Jarvis her one-legged neighbour. I also found it difficult to accept that this book was set 'circa 1982/3'. There seemed to be some confusion in this setting - on a number of occasions I found myself thinking 'surely that wasn't around then'.
I would struggle to recommend this book to anyone - read it with caution.
Rating : 2 out of 5
Like this? Try 'Poison Arrows' by Morag Prunty.
Posted by Jenni on July 17, 2006 in British Authors, Debut Novels, Girly Stuff, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 19, 2006 6:07 PM
Southern Comfort
I was drawn to the bright pink book in the romance section of my local library. The blurb on the back sounded pretty good and so I decided to give it a try. Well all I can say having now ploughed to the end of it (all in the Trashionista name) that it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I do fear for the hearts of any little old ladies who decide to give it a go!
The storyline itself is pretty well thought out, one of the modern setpieces. Fallon Hargis is an undercover agent for the DEA. When the drug baron she is collecting intelligence about rumbles her cover he orders her killing. As she flees for her life, Fallon comes across Wade Tanner who instantly falls for this mysterious woman and decides to become her chief protector. Wade used to serve as a detetctive in the city, but decided enough was enough. He now presides as Sheriff of a sleepy little town, and has grown to love the quiet life.
The quiet life is the last thing on Wade's mind only seconds after meeting Fallon. He takes her back to Two Creeks - there's no way she can be found there. He quickly realises though that taking care of someone who doesn't want to be taken care of can be a thankless and dangerous task.
So the storyline has definite promise. What is somewhat unfortunate then is that for the first two-thirds of the book Fallon and Wade are either having explicit sex, or thinking about having explicit sex. And the last third of the book is generally made up of violence, which at times borders on the gratuitous. Now I'm for a little gratuity, but to me this book felt overdone. The author seemed to be relying on her ability to write soft-core porn instead of devoting the time to the plot and characters - both of which where actually pretty good, as far as they went.
So unfortunately this book gets the thumbs down from me. I'm sure some people will love it, but for me there was just not enough book.
Like this? Try 'The Movie' by Louise Bagshawe
Posted by Aigua Media on April 19, 2006 in American Authors, Bonkbusters, Crime / Mystery, Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (3)
December 15, 2005 12:13 PM
Baby On Board
There's been a whole spate of books like Stephanie Zia's 'Baby on Board' recently. So many in fact that they're now crowned 'Mum-lit'. This novel covers the change in Molly's life from single girl about town (with requisite top job, ace friends and swanky London flat) to new mum....
When she gives birth to baby Daisy, Molly is forced to relocate to the country (Kew apparently is 'the countryside') and a naff flat. Next thing you know she has a 'baby on board' sticker for her car and is pretty much abandoned by her friends.
The father of Molly's baby is wealthy correspondent Max, the man she has been having an affair with for the past six years (so no self respect then?) and now the reluctant, unreliable Dad. We are to imagine that they are deeply in love, but to be honest denial is more like it. Of course Molly, despite her baggy leggings and saggy boobs, seems to have no trouble having flings with bisexual, pompous Christophe or nice, safe Dan until she decides what she really wants in her new life.
Is it just me or are their far too many swanky-single-mum-changes-to-naff-life-with-baby books around? Unfortunately for Zia, most of them are more interesting and better than hers. It doesn't help that the characters are thoroughly unlikeable and for a book that is supposed to be realistic, the situations are frankly not. It's like a city dwellers view of 'madcap country people' and is - to be quite honest - utter trash. Give it a miss unless you really love reading about babies. [Camilla Chafer]
Posted by gcartwright on December 15, 2005 in British Authors, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (51)
December 7, 2005 11:00 AM
Life Swap
In contrast to certain other Trashionistas, a new novel from Jane Green gets me all of a flutter. I love her simplistic style and ability to make sugary sweet characters somehow believable, and thus far I’ve bought everything she’s ever written. So it was with great anticipation that I dashed to the shops and purchased her latest, Life Swap. Can Green do it again, or is this a book too far?
Vicky is a single girl in London who dreams of nothing but getting married. Across the pond, Amber apparently has it all – the house, the husband, the kids, the American dream. But neither is happy, both perhaps wanting what the other has. The two strangers swap lives for a month, as a feature for Vicky’s magazine ‘Poise!’, to see if the grass is greener.
Doesn’t that all sound a bit familiar? Of course, it’s almost identical to TV’s ‘Wife Swap’. At first, I couldn’t believe that the usually excellent Green had ripped off the show in such obvious fashion. She even mentions the TV show – how could she not? – but tries to make adjustments to the concept to make it appear original. She fails, the changes are simply not enough and I spent the entire book wondering what exactly the point was.
The plot is as predictable as it is thin, with the book bordering on the boring as you know exactly what each woman is going to ‘learn’ from their stint testing out a different life. Vicky is neither interesting nor likeable, and whilst Amber is slightly more attractive as a central character, she is lacking the flair that Green usually brings to her characters.
The book ends rather abruptly with a very disappointing ending. During reading, I was awaiting the twist to the story that would make it interesting, but it never came. I was hugely disappointed by this book, especially being such a fan of Green's other work. This is a stinker. Avoid. [Toni Kelly]
Want more Jane Green reviews? See what we thought of Mr Maybe and Jemima J.
Posted by Aigua Media on December 7, 2005 in British Authors, Rating: 2/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 26, 2005 3:00 PM
Citizen Girl
Here at Trashionista we promise to give it to you straight. So here's the simplified review for those who can't be bothered to read on - Citizen Girl is rubbish. It's trash. Don't bother.
Having had success with ‘The Nanny Diaries‘, writing duo Nicola Kraus and Emma McLaughlin chose to centre their second novel on a fast-talking city girl in a dead end job. Sounds OK so far? Don't be fooled...
'When Girl' (as she is annoyingly referred to throughout the book) loses her job, she ends up taking a job at My Company, a women’s website out to make money in any way possible. The novel follows her struggles in her new job, looking at the corporate world in what I sincerely hope is intended to be a satirical way. Sadly, it doesn‘t work at all. This is not because of a problem with the writing style, more the plot and characters. The main protagonist is bland, and the supporting cast even worse. People like this may well exist in real life, but they don’t make for entertaining reading.
As for the plot, I spent the entire book trying to work out exactly what was going on. Girl never really knows what it is she’s meant to be doing at My Company, or why she got the job in the first place. Her bosses feed her an endless garble of jargon that confuses the reader as much as it does Girl. Still, she happily goes from day to day talking her way out of everything, making presentations for projects she doesn’t even understand, and sweet-talking people who quite obviously think she’s a waste of space. Few, if any of the characters are deserving of any kind of empathy and you’ll slowly find yourself getting more and more annoyed with the entire cast.
The plot twists in awkward ways that make it difficult to follow, especially with all that ‘job-speak‘. A constant stream of new characters, new jargon, and an annoying boyfriend who breaks dates and lets his friends treat Girl like dirt all add to the general ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude you’ll feel when you finally get to the conclusion.
We’re meant to feel for Girl, a smart woman who wants to do something meaningful with her college degree, but as she constantly lets people walk all over her for 300-odd pages, it becomes increasingly difficult to give a flying you-know-what. Too much is left unexplained, the final ’twist’ on what Girl has been doing for My Company is a terrible cliché, and as for Buster the boyfriend - the book would have been (marginally) better without him. Give it a miss, trust me!
Citizen Girl - Nicola Kraus & Emma McLaughlin
Posted by gcartwright on September 26, 2005 in American Authors, Modern Fiction, Rating: 1/5, Rubbish Books | Permalink | Comments (9)
